I’ve been thinking about this issue almost non-stop these past few days. I’ve also shared the situation with a social worker who handles some things for our son who is autistic. She provided us with a name and number for a man who does debt negotiations. I told my husband (after speaking with this man) that I would like for us to meet with him and see what he will say about what he can do for our situation. I will pay his fee ($300.). It’s a small price to pay if we can arrive at a conclusion that will not be damaging to our sons or the family as a whole.

But….I have also been thinking that bankruptcy might be the best option. After all, buying a house is not an option now….and, given my husbands habits with money, probably wasn’t ever likely.

Where can I find reliable information on bankruptcy options in New York State???

So, why should I write a check for 16K just because my husband asks for it? I’m not an ATM, after all, and those monies were earned, saved, and invested well before we were married and were earmarked for retirement/house/education of the children. I was not working 10-11 hour days with the specific purpose of bailing my husband out of debt, when, with careful and prudent planning, he might have avoided this situation.

I sense that he wants me to pay the money to make it “all better” for him…..without anyone having to know what sort of a situation we are in.

I figured, after I gave him the 40K to pay off his credit debt in 2001 he would have learned his lesson and taken a different path.

My efforts to sit down with him, work out a livable budget, were all rejected. My efforts to find out what was going on financially were rebuffed. I have to poke around in his dresser drawers to find out what is going on. I asked him for the name/number of the debt counselor he spoke with at MMI….he still hasn’t given it to me himself….I had to locate it myself and I’ve emailed and left messages for him but I have not yet spoken with him directly (we seem to be playing telephone tag).

Now I am presented with this disaster and I’m expected to clean it up, along with all the other messes here.

Just out of curiosity, I figured out that the $40.00 a week he gives me as an allowance works out to $5.71 a day or .23 cents per hour for a 24 hour day (since I can be called on at any time).

Thanks again for all your support/feedback/advice and especially to those of you who have emailed me privately.